Install this theme
Today I wrote a post about where my very opinionated, unapologetic, old self has been for the past two years

It covered difficult topics like birth trauma, postpartum depression, and overall what I would consider the darkest period of my life—the part of it that I still find myself coming out of more each day. It was extremely difficult to write about the first time, and Tumblr ate it.

Eventually I will write it again. I will likely have even more clarity about it when I do, but it’s still disappointing.

I enabled photo responses. Someone please .gif this post.

Am I arguing that girls and women shouldn’t be held responsible for their behaviour? Not at all. If a woman drinks to excess, then falls over in the street, loses her wallet and vomits all over her shirt, she has only herself to blame. But rape is not a consequence of getting drunk. It’s a consequence of a man deciding to rape someone.
Emily Maguire, Princesses & Pornstars: Sex, Power, Identity. (via starsgowaltzing)
Life-altering

mlemka:

I’ll do the panic and I’ll love every minute, until perhaps I realize it was warranted for the first time in what seems like ever.

Anonymous
asks:
Do you typically listen to your own life advice, and expectations?

mlemka:

Considering how much advice I give, this question is a little difficult for me to answer. I had to think about what types of advice I give, what they stem from, and then whether or not I listen. I can honestly say that I try to live what I preach, even if I am not always successful. I think that for the most part I am successful, however.

I base a lot of my life-advice off my loose interpretation of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is a book of Toltec wisdom, or a “guide to personal freedom” as it has been called by, pardon me, whiter people. I read this in high school with my youth group and would suggest it to anyone.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. I apply this in my life to the idea of never going in to a situation with the intent to hurt someone, through words or otherwise. I have little respect for people that call/text/talk to someone with the intent of hurting them. Do my words hurt people? Of course they do. Sometimes arguments ensue and stupid things are said, but not making them a rule is important. Additionally, as is discussed another agreement, a lot of people take things personally. I do not mean much of what I say personally, and a lot of it is not said in a personal manner. Someone personalizing that is not me going out to intentionally hurt someone, so I would say that I follow this advice.

The second agreement is to not take anything personally. This is because seemingly mean or hurtful things that people say are often either not intended to be taken that way or are more representative of something going on with them, not the situation between the two of you. Something I often say to people who are mean to me is, “Do not spread your poison here,” or “You can try but you can’t touch me.” We all falter on it, but most of the time taking things personally is a conscious choice. I think I typically take my own advice on this.

The fourth agreement is to not make assumptions. This is the one I falter on the most because I typically assume that people will deal with things in a logical manner, and they usually do not. This sometimes causes me to dwell on things that I can’t understand from a logical standpoint. I am working on it, but I try not to assume things for the most part. This is why I like open communication, because then people are not lead to assume things.

The final agreement is to always do your best. I disagree with this one but like to apply it for the most part. I do not think that a person can try their best all the time, they will run out of steam. I think that people should try close to their best a majority of the time, and I think I do this.

Finally, I would add something to these agreements, and this is probably what I give the most advice on, and that is to think critically. Essentially, I really advise that people use their own damn brain rather than just regurgitate what they hear from others. My parents taught me this from a young age, and it really upsets me when I see people who obviously had parents that only taught them to regurgitate what they told them.

My “life advice” consists of trying hard, trying not to hurt people, not taking things personally, not assuming things, and thinking critically. As far as expectations go, I mostly expect people to be committed to their word (not lie). It is not at all rocket science so I would say, for the most part, I listen to and live up to these ideas.

Anonymous
asks:
Do you believe that you were born 'a bitch', or do you think that the way your grew up is the cause? Or perhaps a combination of the two?

mlemka:

First of all, I would like to say that I do not really think I am a bitch.
Surprised? I suppose a lot of people would be. Have you ever heard of people who self-label, not necessarily because they believe the things abuot themselves, but because they have heard them so much throughout their life? They are not all pathetic people crying in corners and lacking self-esteem. Some of them are “bitches” like me. I do not think I am a bitch at all.

I think that I am opinionated, and not shy to share these opinions. I thnk that I am articulate, and this allows me to share my opinions in a way that is “better” even if the opinion is not. I think that sometimes I get a little too say-anything, but I would rather venture on that side of the spectrum than the other. I do not think any of these things actually make me a bitch.

One would be wrong to say that I am this way because I was born this way, or because of the way I was raised. We are a product of our environments, but a lot of people leave their parent’s house when they turn eighteen, and that is when most of these personality changes took place for me. How could something that was apparently with me since birth (either my inherent personality or my parents) not affect me until I am of age and away from them?

I would argue that my parents set the foundation for the person I am today. They always allowed our house to be an open forum for discussion—we debated a lot, about nearly everything. Additionally, my immediate family is not full of overly-sensitive people. At the same time, I did not become nearly as outspoken as I am until I was well in to college, so I can hardly attribute it all to them. While I may not have learned to walk on eggshells at home, I understood that college was an environment where people would have different opinions and backgrounds than I had grown up with, and that maybe it was the place to be a bit more careful with my words. I chose not to.

I chose not to. Infant-Emily did not choose not to. Infant-Emily would have had completely different ideas on how to deal with the situation, implying that I have not been the same since birth. Even fifteen-year-old Emily would have been more quiet. Julie and Carl Knotts did not decide not to. I did.

This is why I believe that Psychology that blames like, “Who caused me to be this way?” or Psychology that promotes victimizing oneself, like, “I can’t change. Traits hardly ever change after childhood,” is absolute bullshit.

Anonymous
asks:
I find your posts to be very clever, have you ever considered writing a book? Or perhaps a better question is, what do you intend to do with your wit and will? You seem like a very driven woman.

mlemka:

First I will say thank you, and that is very flattering. When I was younger I wanted to be an author—and by younger I mean from very small until I was about fifteen. When I was fifteen I took a pretty hardcore Composition class, and as much as it brought out the best writing I have ever created, I feel like it drained me of everything I really had to bring to the table as far as creative writing goes. Maybe it will come back some day, but I just do not feel like I am very good at it anymore. You will notice that I took your question to mean creative writing specifically. This is because I do not think I would want to write a book that was something dry, boring, and maybe persuasive—this is the kind of writing I am good at now, unfortunately.

With my “wit” and “will” I plan to graduate college, get married, and experience life. I know that I answered a question quite a long time ago that explained myself and how I plan. I do not plan anymore. I live my life. Some people might think, what about a job? I will find a job after I graduate. Not being a planner, I understand that this job, and quite likely the first few jobs I have, will not fall under the “dream job” category. This is fine, I just want to live my life.

I think that people who plan too much lose the fun of the journey. I am all about the journey. No, I do not know what I want to do with my life right now, but I know that at some point I will find what that is and feel very passionately about it. I see it kind of like a loving relationship. People who know exactly what kind of person they want, from physical attributes to personality, to goals and annual salary, are likely to be let down by what they get. The qualifications they built up in their mind are really so much less than what stands before them. I think this is the same with a job. Everything is glorified. I want to find by experience.

I thank you, and I think that I am driven too. I think what sets me apart from the stereotypically “driven” person is that I want to be driven simply everywhere, not necessarily just in one direction.